I never really thought of myself as a fearful person. Of course I had the fear of the dark as a child, and I admit that even today, I walk really fast if I am in a dark room.
But as a grown woman, lover of God and of all He tells me I am in Him, I don’t consider myself to be in fear.
I know all the verses and can whip them out like band-aids with the best of them.
But pondering this word today – I realize that I do fear.
I may use another word that sounds better – like ponder, or question, or I wonder – but I think it might actually come down to fear.
Fear of: am I doing the right thing, at the right time,
Fear of: will the ministry’s lease and bills get paid this month
Fear of: am I possibly drinking too much coffee
Fear of: am I hearing God correctly
Fear of: being fearful
What I am seeing is that sometime we cover fear with questions and then call it something else – like …’I’m just asking’ but isn’t it really based in the reality that comes from fear?
Fear of: losing
So I am thinking that again today – I am going to choose to hand over the questions, the outcomes, the ‘fear of’ and picking up peace, and probably more coffee
But really coming to terms that just because I can quote a bible verse, doesn’t mean that fear doesn’t exist, it’s what I do when I realize the root of the question and where it stems from.
After writing this, I am feeling less fear and more hope – I am not except from fear, I just have something bigger than my fear to lean on, trust in and rely on.